One Year

2007–07–28

A long time without writing…I should probably write more regularly.

Yahli is almost 1 year old now. Its definitely been a very busy year, and I cannot remember when he started crawling, or saying abba - which is the hebrew for daddy.

He is slowly but surely becomming a little person - more independant every day, with his own opinions, fears, expressions, and sense of humor.

It is an amazing journey that I am doing together with him. watching him as he smiles because he discovered something new like speaking, or walking, or how a fan spins. I sometimes try to imagine what he sees and how the world looks to him. I can only try: imagine the largest most impressive mountains and forests you have ever seen... and now think the whole world is like that - huge, and new and amazing. I doubt if Yahli would find a tree like the one in the picture that interesting when he is 5, or 10 or 20. His mind is learning and growing constantly, making new connections that he will use in the future.

And how am i doing ? you must be asking yourself. I am doing well. While life has definetly changed quite a bit - its still a struggle: my job, my meaning and purpose in life, and my personal troubles have not gone away. I feel more urgently the need to be happy and content, and of course to make more money - all not only for my own sake, or my wife's but also the little one.

We are moving to a new apartment - and prices have skyrocketed unproportionally to the salary. but this is the price to pay to live in the only big lively city in Israel. Pretty soon, we will have to take the decision and leave the big city for a country home- that will serve us for many years to come.

So, until next time.

Yours,

Dad.

4 months

November 2006,

Just kissed the forehead of an angel, is that what every father feels? I wonder….

That’s the upside for you. There are downsides of course, and spare me the crap of “..but oh this is so wonderful.”. Didnt I say that a couple of months back? hehe. Sometimes you just don’t understand how your life turned upside down. My freedom has been taken away… for good or at least for the next 20 years. I cannot go out as I please, or just go for a quiet weekend with the wife and some friends. This is tough and it is just one of the many changes my life undergoes right now. But its the most life changing one: a person depends on me. Its already starting to feel like a big responsibility, and for me as for most men it’s a hard thing to take.

Its still an amazing experience don’t get me wrong and against all the downsides - there is this one smile my child gives me in the morning that just melts my heart.

Anyway, life has its surprises lined up for me I have to say. Its been 4 months now and it feels like time is flying and slowing down at the same time…. you know the feeling?. Everyday brings a new experience – some are good and some are bad. My son got sick for the first time – let me tell you that night was not pretty. But then again he is smiling a lot and he has a great smile too. He is a cute little devil and very active – observing everything and analyzing my words and actions. … hold on a sec. Have to go feed him again.

Back, after 30 minutes. Its hard work no doubt, but its also the best feeling I had in the past few years.

To sum it up in a philosophical note: I want to encourage fresh dads and expecting fathers around the globe: you are not alone, everybody goes through the same thing. Much like every other aspect of life – enjoy the moment because these moments compose your life story and not only yours but another's - a rather small for now, person.

Updates to follow soon,

Sincerely yours,

Dad

The beginning and before ...

September 2006,

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to become a father?

The truth is: you discover a whole new world that you had no idea existed.

Is there any way to explain it to people without children? I doubt it, but I can do my best.

My first son is 6 weeks old now and I wanted to share some of my feelings and thoughts with you. Being a father is like discovering a whole new world, a world that you had no idea existed. Before my child was born, I used to sit on the beach and stare at the surfers, the sea and the good looking girls. Last Friday I found myself staring at parents and their children, and realizing how full and wonderful their life is. I watched a father chasing his little girl back and forth on the beach and realized how happy and full his life really is. 2 months ago I wouldn’t notice any of that.

It’s true; it’s not an easy task raising a child. It’s hard from the moment the child emerges from the womb and never ends. But it introduces a new dimension to your life, a reason to get up in the morning and it’s wonderful. It’s wonderful because you catch yourself in unexplainable moments of happiness: when your child first smiles, or turns over or starts to crawl. Later when he starts talking and walking, and starts to listen to you and imitate what you do. You feel unexplainable joy and pride for these simple and amazing things that you experience.

To quote a chapter in a BBC series called The Human Body which I watched recently (warmly recommended) : Right away it is as if the child has cast a spell on his parents that are amazed and joyful from every little move he makes.

Being a father is going to be a hell of a ride…. for sure. I can’t wait to see this little human being grow and become a child and a teenager and a man. I believe it never ceases to be difficult but at the same time amazing and wonderful like nothing I have ever experienced before.

I hope to keep you up to date as my child grows

Sincerely yours,

Dad